I Am Stuck In A Bad Circle, And I Can’t Seem To Get Out

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One of the most significant issues that I am facing is the fact that I am surrounded by friends who I thought are the good ones. I indeed enjoy hanging out with them. I often find myself giggling and laughing so hard every time all of us spend moments together. I am confident to say that they are friendly, helpful, caring, and attentive to my needs. Honestly, I cannot ask for more from them because they are genuinely a big part of my life. However, I can’t help but notice the changes in my friends’ behavior towards me. I am confused right now.

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When It All Started

Compared to all my friends, I can say that I am the most financially confident. Not that I have a lot, but I earn so much because of my skills. I know how hard it is not to have something in the table; that is why I always make sure that I get a room for us to have everything. I spoil my friends with lavishing trips and luxurious dinners. That’s all in me. Honestly, I love doing it for them. Therefore, I don’t complain. They can set their demands all they want because I know I can provide it. Besides, I am convinced that their happiness is mine too. However, I did not prepare myself for the upcoming turn of events.

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My friends always ask me for help, and I am more than willing to assist them with anything. Emotionally, physically, morally, and financially, you name it. But lately, I tried considering myself and begin to like stuff that only I can benefit. I went on expensive trips alone, bought the latest smartphone, went out to dinner with my classmates, etc. After doing all those things, I began to feel something off about them. They started ignoring me. They don’t return my calls and texts messages. With that, I dared myself to ask them what’s wrong. I was upset when they informed me that I am now a different person and that I don’t think about their needs anymore. I am now selfish and self-centered, and that I only want things for myself.

“Honesty is important in any relationship. But what happened to kindness?,” said Susan Heitler, PhD. “Be sure you realize that her mean words probably are projections—that is, more accurate as descriptions of how she is than as descriptions of you,”

The moment I heard all of those complaints, I began to realize I was stuck in a wrong circle who only takes advantage of me. They don’t want me to do things on my own because it doesn’t benefit them. It breaks my heart because I genuinely thought that what I do for them is something they appreciate. But I’m wrong.

After hearing all that stuff, I decided to make amends. I disregarded the things I like and went giving them everything again. I am a coward that is afraid to lose the people I know are using me. I am scared to be alone. I chose not to deal with my social issue properly. I am stuck in the wrong circle, and I can’t seem to get out.

According to Andrea Bonior, PhD, when one wants to get out of a toxic friendship, they can choose to “slow-fade” from the relationship. “That’s the easiest, most comfortable way to extract yourself,” she said.

”It is wise to pay attention to your friendships and have them in order while you’re healthy and your life and work are going well,” said psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner. ”Because when a crisis hits, when someone you love dies, or you lose your job and your health insurance, when the universe gives you a crash course in vulnerability, you will discover how crucial and life-preserving good friendship is.”

Why Do Teens Often Hate Their Parents?

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They all say that teenagers are the most complicated people in the world. They have their style of living, and they live their lives based on what they desire. These teens are usually stubborn, and sometimes rules do not apply to them. Teenagers are often impulsive, careless, and unpredictable. They believe they can do anything even with little less supervision. With that kind of mentality, parents make decisions that sometimes contradict these teens approval. In that case, these individuals tend to hate their parents. But what exactly are those things they do not like about their peeps?

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They Do Not Listen – Parents are parents. They are the authority. They are the ones who set ground rules and often make the most significant decisions in teenagers’ lives. The problem with that particular approach sometimes makes parents not want to listen. Since they believe they are on top of everything, they rarely listen to their kids’ suggestions. Everything about them that pretty much disagrees to their point of views gets considered as complaints. Teens hate that so much. That is the reason why these kids often do not want to talk, share, or confess anything because their parents always have something negative to say.

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“As for those firmly authoritative parents who believe that a good child is best seen and not heard, that arguing with a parent is disrespectful, and that undisputed obedience should be obligatory; I believe sometimes such rigid training can ill prepare a young person to make their way in the world,” said Carl E. Pickhardt, PhD.

They Excuse Themselves For Their Mistakes – Since they are “the parents,” most of them think that they are entitled to get off from their mistakes. Most of the times, parents assume the things they do always benefit their kids. That is, regardless of whether the decision can emotionally and mentally hurt these young individuals. These types of parents are insensitive to their teenagers’ feelings. And that no matter what others will say or how much it hurts their kids, it doesn’t matter. They will imply that they know everything because they already have a lot of experience compared to young adults.

“If we behave morally and discipline our children morally, we will make them feel good,” said Izzy Kalman, national certified school psychologist. “They will like us, admire us and aspire to be like us.”

They Throw The First Judgment – Well, not all parents are judgmental. However, a lot of them are. Sometimes, instead of trying to explain to their kids the problem, they blame the young adults for not listening to them. They often disregard the cause of the issue and target the children’s chosen personality instead. In some unfortunate cases, the parents become the number one haters. Every time their teenagers do not follow them, they become the subject of hate. Teenagers are against that type of mentality because it is emotionally devastating and mentally damaging.

“We can’t always keep ourselves from feeling judgmental about teenagers. And, to be sure, there are adolescents (and adults) who get stuck in worrisome ruts,” said Lisa Damour, PhD. “But as a psychologist, there are two rules I live by: good kids do dumb things, and I never have the whole story.

They Sometimes Don’t Care – It is probably “sometimes” because there are moments that parents know when teens are in need. However, what bothers these young adults is the idea that even though their parents see or know something is wrong, they do not always ask. Most parents assume that teens are unpredictable so that they will get over their emotional and mental dilemma in no time. But that is not how these kids see it. The reason they often picture their parents as uncaring individuals is because these kids prefer them to make the first move to from time to time.

It’s essential to note that not all kids are the same, and vice versa. But that it does not mean there is nothing to do in that situation.

Raising Children In Traditional Upbringing

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Parenting is one of the most intricate jobs in the world. It does not have a pause, it doesn’t follow specific rules, and it is not something all of us can do regularly. If anyone thinks that a certain amount of discipline is comfortably okay, then these people should think twice. I said that because there are times, even though we are now in a technological era, raising kids traditionally still means a lot. But, what can kids say about this? What are their thoughts?

The Reality

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The thing is, parents who are currently raising children traditionally appear to be judged by most people. That is because children are having a hard battle with what is currently approved by society and what tends to be useful years ago. There is the presence of inequality in some areas that happen to be unnoticeable. That is especially when raising males and females.

“Men are equally unprepared for their own implicit assertion of privilege – of the implications of being raised in a world that favours their comforts and ambitions over girls’ and, later, women’s,” said psychologist Darcy Lockman.

In most traditional upbringing, men are always the head of the family. They are the ones accountable for catering to the needs of all the members of the unit. They get more favored because of their ability, strength, calmness, and power. But women, on the other hand, get destined to lock obedience to their male counterparts. The problem with this type of belief is the duty and responsibilities of women often signify domestic chores and diligent studies.

“You might care what the kid dresses like, and I might care that homework gets done perfectly,” notes Sheryl Ziegler, PsyD. “Couples need to have a discussion about what’s important to them as a family and what’s important to them individually.”

In unfortunate cases, traditionally raised women to subject themselves to spend only a couple of hours with parents’ approved friends. Yes, some may say that it is not that horrible as it may seem because up until today, males are still more dominant. However, women of today are already empowered, and that gave them an edge at some point.

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When it comes to raising women in traditional ways, parents are often strict. Honestly, that is not a bad thing at all. With all the dangers lurking out there, it can easily harm and take away women’s value. That is why it is scary for parents to allow their kids instant freedom. That is the reason why strict supervision becomes a necessity. But the issue here is not the real danger out there. It is the males’ upbringing that often tells them they can do anything whatever they want. The idea that they are born capable is the cause of female endangerment. But then, society doesn’t seem to bother noticing it because they are too focused on creating a more dominant class of male individuals.

The Thoughts

What seems to be an issue in women’s understanding relies on the inequality of traditional upbringing. Most parents who believe in conventional ways overlook the importance of balance in career, studies, sports, domestic tasks, and life choices of their female kids. Honestly, these little adults feel confused as to what they can and cannot do. With that, they often do not feel like living a healthy life. I don’t want to sound feminist, but the truth is, society is to blame for this kind of state. Honestly, though there are women who already proved people wrong, most of the public still consider the traditional ways.

“To me, a society is a reflection of what happens at home. And, if we want a society based on equality, we must first build a home based on equality, as well,” said clinical psychologist Mariana Plata.