One of the most significant issues that I am facing is the fact that I am surrounded by friends who I thought are the good ones. I indeed enjoy hanging out with them. I often find myself giggling and laughing so hard every time all of us spend moments together. I am confident to say that they are friendly, helpful, caring, and attentive to my needs. Honestly, I cannot ask for more from them because they are genuinely a big part of my life. However, I can’t help but notice the changes in my friends’ behavior towards me. I am confused right now.
When It All Started
Compared to all my friends, I can say that I am the most financially confident. Not that I have a lot, but I earn so much because of my skills. I know how hard it is not to have something in the table; that is why I always make sure that I get a room for us to have everything. I spoil my friends with lavishing trips and luxurious dinners. That’s all in me. Honestly, I love doing it for them. Therefore, I don’t complain. They can set their demands all they want because I know I can provide it. Besides, I am convinced that their happiness is mine too. However, I did not prepare myself for the upcoming turn of events.
My friends always ask me for help, and I am more than willing to assist them with anything. Emotionally, physically, morally, and financially, you name it. But lately, I tried considering myself and begin to like stuff that only I can benefit. I went on expensive trips alone, bought the latest smartphone, went out to dinner with my classmates, etc. After doing all those things, I began to feel something off about them. They started ignoring me. They don’t return my calls and texts messages. With that, I dared myself to ask them what’s wrong. I was upset when they informed me that I am now a different person and that I don’t think about their needs anymore. I am now selfish and self-centered, and that I only want things for myself.
“Honesty is important in any relationship. But what happened to kindness?,” said Susan Heitler, PhD. “Be sure you realize that her mean words probably are projections—that is, more accurate as descriptions of how she is than as descriptions of you,”
The moment I heard all of those complaints, I began to realize I was stuck in a wrong circle who only takes advantage of me. They don’t want me to do things on my own because it doesn’t benefit them. It breaks my heart because I genuinely thought that what I do for them is something they appreciate. But I’m wrong.
After hearing all that stuff, I decided to make amends. I disregarded the things I like and went giving them everything again. I am a coward that is afraid to lose the people I know are using me. I am scared to be alone. I chose not to deal with my social issue properly. I am stuck in the wrong circle, and I can’t seem to get out.
According to Andrea Bonior, PhD, when one wants to get out of a toxic friendship, they can choose to “slow-fade” from the relationship. “That’s the easiest, most comfortable way to extract yourself,” she said.
”It is wise to pay attention to your friendships and have them in order while you’re healthy and your life and work are going well,” said psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner. ”Because when a crisis hits, when someone you love dies, or you lose your job and your health insurance, when the universe gives you a crash course in vulnerability, you will discover how crucial and life-preserving good friendship is.”