Every parent’s way of parenting is different from the others. Some things separate them from the good and the bad parenting style which somehow affects a family relationship. Some methods work in the majority of children, but some of it won’t influence other teens. But why is that?
It’s normal for teenagers to become more impulsive. That’s because their brains are still developing its every aspect. You might wonder why there are days that the kids are in an excellent mood, calm, and all that and there are days that they are so unpredictable, irrational, and very much into aggression. You may think that’s normal and every parent goes through it. Well, yes, at some point. However, what dramatically influences their behavior and actions are the parenting styles that you might probably do wrong. Let’s check out how your parenting habits are damaging your teenagers’ overall development.
You Want Them To Mind Their Own Business
There are times that your teens want to talk to you about something they noticed on others. It may be something your teens heard over an adult fight or conversation. Perhaps what you will tell them first is to “mind their own business” and not to think or talk about it at all. Yes, it’s okay to respond like that because you’re trying to teach your kids to become respectful of other people’s lives. However, it can create a negative impact when you don’t spend time explaining why a particular issue tends to happen. It could result in their avoidance in asking you or telling you things again. Since they receive no answer from an unharmful inquiry, they will assume that it’s okay to keep thoughts within themselves. It creates a problem because there’s a complication between honesty and openness to secrecy and lies.
You Want Them To Always Stay Happy
As much as it’s a very comfortable thing to do, it’s not healthy in all situations. Wanting your teens to become always happy is every parent’s goal. That’s the reason why you would also want them to focus on their happiness. But unfortunately, most of these teens are taking advantage of that perception. They use it to do things out of boundary. As a result, they become in control and you are left with no choice. In some instances, instead of setting up limitations, you allow them to make decisions that will provide them with temporary satisfaction.
You Punish Them Without Explanation
It’s common for parents to punish their teens, especially when they think that what their kids are doing is out of boundary. In some instances, it’s perfectly okay to do that since teens are out of control most of the times. However, what complicates the situation is the punishment without an explanation. And because most parents believe that they are the law inside the house (which they should be), they punish kids without explaining why there’s a necessity for it. It becomes a huge issue for both parents and children due to the buildup of gaps among the required relationship. It eventually makes teens more rebellious and disrespectful, and it makes parents subject to irrational decisions which impose more and more punishments.
“Respect is a two-way street, and it becomes especially important during adolescence. Shifting focus from how much respect you feel you’re getting, to whether or not you’re showing them respect, is critical,” said Diana Divecha, PhD.
You Yell At Them Constantly
Yelling at your teens make them think about three things. First; it’s their nature to become evil persons so whatever hurt their feelings is not merely important. Second, their negative emotions are only the results of their irrational thinking and impulsive behavior. Third, their feelings are not that important compared to yours. With these circumstances, it makes teens distrust their parents in the long run. Soon, it will be too late to control their hatred towards other adults as well. As soon as they master to bottle-up their feelings, it soon manifests later in life where they won’t be able to control agitation, anger, and a sense of unfulfilled entitlement.
“Intervene only when truly necessary. Avoid nagging and criticism. Trust your teen to figure out the small stuff, even if it means they’re suffering consequences you could have warned them about.” said Dona Matthews, PhD.
You Want Them Perfect So People Can Like Them
Parents become proud of their teens whenever other people see positive aspects of their personality, traits, and behavior. All thanks to the proper parenting style. But when there’s too much pressure in keeping the good sides, a small change becomes a big deal. As parents, you always have this goal of making people like your children. However, you somehow miss the point of allowing your teens to know their selves. Because you want people to acknowledge only the best of them, you get frustrated every time they make mistakes. That’s a deal-breaker in parenting because children might suffer from anxiety and depression when they forced themselves to please everyone.
“At this age your children are watching you very astutely to hear how judgmental you are,” said Dr. Catherine Steiner-Adair, Harvard psychologist. “They are taking their cues on how you talk about other people’s children, especially children that get into trouble — how that girl dresses, or that boy has good manners or bad manners. And they are watching and deciding whether you are harsh or critical or judgmental.”
Parenting is constant, it is complicated, and the stakes can become high. Some parents avoid messing things up, and there are those who consciously make things impossible for their teens. So to help kids become confident and self-sufficient adults, you should consider alternative ways of dealing with your teenagers as soon as possible.